(Ep. 60): SR Podcast - December 2015

FOR MATURE AUDIENCES

On this holiday episode of The Simplistic Reviews Podcast, Matthew's Judeism is put to the test, Justin continues to try and make sense of the Prequels, DJ laments over Die Hard, and the boys have a hell of a time writing letters to Santa, spinning dreidels and breaking down the finale of Fargo.  All this and more on our Ho-Ho-Ho Holiday Show.



NOTES
Quentin vs Disney
Independence Day 2 Trailer
TMNT 2 Trailer
X-Men: Apocalypse Trailer


MUSIC
Die Hard Score By Michael Kamen
Couple Of Misfits By Burt Ives
Christmas Time Is Here By Vince Guaraldi Trio
Christmas In Hollis By Run D.M.C.
Ode To Joy By Ludwig van Beethoven

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Simplistic Theater: Star Wars -The Complete Saga (Episodes I-VI)

George Lucas did it.

Why can't we?

We figured it was best since today
Star Wars: The Force Awakens

comes out. 

So don't get mad and if you would like to write out letter to complain, send that mail to

5858 Lucas Valley Road, Nicasio, CA 94946

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Simplistic Theater Episode VI : Star Wars - Return Of The Jedi

With only 1 day till the release of Star Wars: The Force Awakens

Along with Jay Cluitt, the gang from Simplistic Reviews thought it would be best to do some reenacting of all 6 films. Ladies and Gentlemen, this is

Simplistic Theater

And today we bring you

Episode VI
Return Of The Jedi

 

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Simplistic Theater Episode V : Star Wars - The Empire Strikes Back

With only 2 days till the release of Star Wars: The Force Awakens

Along with Jay Cluitt, the gang from Simplistic Reviews thought it would be best to do some reenacting of all 6 films. Ladies and Gentlemen, this is

Simplistic Theater

And today we bring you

Episode V
The Empire Strikes Back

 

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Simplistic Theater Episode IV : Star Wars - A New Hope

With only 3 days till the release of Star Wars: The Force Awakens

Along with Jay Cluitt, the gang from Simplistic Reviews thought it would be best to do some reenacting of all 6 films. Ladies and Gentlemen, this is

Simplistic Theater

And today we bring you

Episode IV
A New Hope

 

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Simplistic Theater Episode III : Star Wars - Revenge Of The Sith

With only 4 days till the release of Star Wars: The Force Awakens

Along with Jay Cluitt, the gang from Simplistic Reviews thought it would be best to do some reenacting of all 6 films. Ladies and Gentlemen, this is

Simplistic Theater

And today we bring you

Episode III
Revenge Of The Sith 

 

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Simplistic Theater Episode II : Star Wars - Attack Of The Clones

With only 5 days till the release of Star Wars: The Force Awakens

Along with Jay Cluitt, the gang from Simplistic Reviews thought it would be best to do some reenacting of all 6 films. Ladies and Gentlemen, this is

Simplistic Theater

And today we bring you

Episode II
Attack Of The Clones

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Simplistic Theater Episode I : Star Wars - The Phantom Menace

With only 6 days till the release of Star Wars: The Force Awakens

Along with Jay Cluitt, the gang from Simplistic Reviews thought it would be best to do some reenacting of all 6 films. Ladies and Gentlemen, this is

Simplistic Theater

And today we bring you

Episode I
The Phantom Menace 

 

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(Ep. 59): Icebreaker - Movie Commentary: December 2015

ICEBREAKER

Trailer

2000 | Action/Drama/Poorly Made | 90mins

At the the Killington ski resort something has gone awry. Evil terrorists led by the sinister Greig have taken the resort hostage with a stolen nuclear device. It's up to Ski Patrol bum Matt Foster to save the day... and his fiancé.

How did someone think a knockoff of Die Hard with Sean Astin would be a good idea?

It's that time of the year! Sunday Night Movie Night! Since the holidays are near and the snow is on the ground we figured Icebreaker is the right choice! (boy are we wrong)

Even MJ gives it his seal of approval. So everyone snuggle up in your blanket, pure some eggnog, get that fire going and sit back and enjoy the 2000 Classic, 

Icebreaker!

FUN FACTS:

IT SUCKS

A PEZ IS USED AS A WEAPON

A VHS IS USED AS A WEAPON

BOMBS COUNT UP IN THIS FILM

IS IT BASED ON A TRUE STORY

NOPE THATS A LIE

SEAN ASTIN IS 14 IN THIS FILM AND EVERY OTHER FILM

TOOK US OVER A YEAR TO TRACK DOWN A COPY

WHAT A WASTE OF A YEAR THAT WAS

SEAN ASTIN HAS A COKE PROBLEM

THIS FILM IS ALL OVER THE PLACE
STACY KEACH SIT 99% OF THE FILM

DID I TELL YOU ABOUT THE PEZ?
CHRIST KILL ME!

HAVE YOU SEEN THIS 14 YEAR OLD BOY?

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(Ep. 58): SR Podcast - November 2015

FOR MATURE AUDIENCE

Fall has fallen and the boys at Simplistic Reviews have taken it upon themselves to kick off the Thanksgiving Month right.  There's Ronda Rousey Roadhouse talk, an uncensored Julie, Kelly LeBrock reminiscing and a good old fashioned game of Kill, F%*k, Marry.

All this in more in a turkey filled episode of The Simplistic Reviews Podcast

NOTES
The Usual Suspects
Ronda Rousey Loss
Woman In Red
Roadhouse
Fargo's Mike Milligan

MUSIC
My Flows Is Tight By Lord Digga
Action In Memphis By John Pearson
The Ususal Suspects Theme By John Ottman
Cast Your Fate To The Wind By Vince Guaraldi

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(Ep. 57): SR Podcast - "Happy" Halloween 3: Season of the Witch: October 2015

Happy Halloween!

Today is Halloween and to celebrate we figured what would be a better way then with the very unappreciated but great...

Halloween 3: Season of the Witch

98 mins | Horror | 1982

FOR MATURE AUDIENCES

The gang gathers around for this Halloween film that doesn't feature Micheal Myers but does feature but not limited to, Killer Halloween Masks! Commercialization of the Halloween! Witchcraft! Androids! Shamrocks! and Tom mofo Atkins! It's a spooky film for a spooky day...now if only we could drink a McDonald's Shamrock Shake with a hit of whiskey that would make this day even better!

Notes:  

Halloween 3: Season of the Witch

Trailer

Soundtrack

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(Ep. 56): SR Podcast - October 2015

FOR MATURE AUDIENCES

To celebrate this creepy time of year, why not hang with the creepiest movie aficionados in the biz.  On this Halloween edition of the Simplistic Reviews Podcast, the boys talk candy...fall TV premieres...Ronda Rousey's Roadhouse and Hayden Christensen.

This episode is filled to the brim with tricks and treats.  Grab your machete, your knife glove, and put on your inside out William Shatner mask and enjoy!


NOTES
Jennifer Lawrence's Hunger Games C-word poster
Sam Smith Writing On the Wall
Ellen Pompeo criticizes Daniel Craig

MUSIC
Created A Monster by B.o.B. 
Murder Was The Case By Snoop Dogg
Bonfire By Childish Gambino
Saw Theme By Charles Clouser
Halloween Theme By John Carpenter

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(Ep. 55): SR Podcast - Hard Ticket To Hawaii - Movie Commentary: September 2015

FOR MATURE AUDIENCES

Today's Sunday Movie is...

Hard Ticket to Hawaii

96mins / Action / 1987

There are films that come and go. Great films that missed the limelight and never get the recognition they deserve.

Then there is Hard Ticket To Hawaii, a film that's not amazing but we are glad it was made. It's a crazy film that feels like they honestly just run and gun it. And even though this film isn't perfect, it is one fun film to watch.

Check out Slaughter Film's Review

Action Movie Time Machine - Hard Ticket to Hawaii

It's a film jam packed full of Bullets, Boobs and Explosions! 

What more can you ask for?

 Show Notes

Watch the film with us

Read the Slaughter Film Review


Music Notes

Theme Song

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(Ep. 54): SR Podcast - September 2015

                                                    FOR MATURE AUDIENCES

Sharpen your pencils and grab your loose-leaf notebooks.  It's the "back to school" edition of the Simplistic Reviews Podcast.  On this episode, the boys tackle Jesse Spano's horrible drug problem, Patty Mayonnaise's slutty behavior, and Max Landis' ego.

Speaking of schooling, Matt and DJ also pay up on a debt and discuss the high school spy film Barely Lethal, starring Oscar nominees Hailee Steinfeld and Samuel L. Jackson...yes...nothing in that sentence was made up.

Bill Cosby, Jared, Kanye, Miley...all get a little ribbing on this episode of the Simplistic Reviews Podcast.

Show Notes
Wes Craven
Jesse Spano freakout
Patti Mayonnaise
Tommy Wiseau & Fantastic 4

Music Notes
My Flows Is Tight By Lord Digga
Saved By The Bell Theme Song
Plain Jane By Sid Phillips
Game Of Thrones Remix
Cast Your Fate To The Wind By Vince Guaraldi

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(Ep. 53): SR Podcast - August 2015

                                                    FOR MATURE AUDIENCES

Alright!  Alright!  The world can keep on spinning, cuz The Simplistic Reviews Podcast is back!  The irreverency level of the podcasting universe has just gone up as the boys barrel back into the world of movies and television once again.  First they catch up with some of the stuff they missed with our annual segment Can You Dig It.   Then the boys do a postmortem of True Detective Season 2 and sell Justin on the USA Network Show Mr. Robot.   The boom boxes are held high to close off the show as they once again play the game Simply Say Anything.

Hulk Hogan is dealt with, Sesame Street is repurposed, Hateful 8 is dismissed for legal reason, and The Fantastic Four is laughed at...all on this return episode of the Simplistic Reviews Podcast.

Show Notes
Shrimp Hands
Hulk Hogan Racist
Skyfall Target Practice
Bad Apocalypse
Roddy Piper Coconut
Ian Malcolm Lecture

Music Notes
Get Up Offa That Thing By James Brown
In Your Eyes By Peter Gabriel
Can You Dig It By Illmind
Cast Your Fate To The Wind By Vince Guaraldi
yimszhwb

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(Ep. 52): Never Too Young To Die - Movie Commentary: August 2015

A secret agent is murdered! 

Can his son, a high school gymnast, along with a spy catch the man/woman who killed him? 

Team up with DJ and Justin to find out on the next Monday Night Movie Night!

Never Too Young To Die

92 mins / Action / 1986

Secret agent Drew Stargrove is brutally murdered by the ruthless Van Ragnar. In this action-packed Bond-style thriller, the murdered secret agent's son, Lance Stargrove is thrust into the dangerous and intriguing world of secret agents and espionage when he seeks revenge against Van Ragnar. Danja Deerling teams up with Lance as his sidekick and love interest. 

Watch along with the film HERE

Taglines to tickle your fancy!

Stargrove: the new American hero.

Vanity: the new breed of temptress! Stamos: the new breed of hero!

At the age of 18, every government agency wanted him... dead or alive.

He inherited all his father's enemies and only one of his friends.

Action: Bond style. Beauty: Vanity style. Hero: American style.

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(Ep.51): Back to School - Movie Commentary: July 2015

We are back again for another Monday Night
Movie Night!

After that big 50th episode we took a bit of a break and sat down to watch the 1986 classic Back to School. We figured a few laughs was in order since a murder took place on that last podcast.

Back to School
96 mins / Comedy / 1986

"To help his discouraged son get through college, a fun-loving and obnoxious rich businessman decides to enter the school as a student himself."




Music Notes

Back to School - Jude Cole

Twist and Shout - Rodney Dangerfield

Back To School - Oingo Boingo

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(Ep.50): SR Podcast - Extravaganza!: June 2015

 
FOR (MOSTLY) IMMATURE AUDIENCES

Normal podcasts usually hit their 50th podcast roughly before their first year of existence.  Good podcasts that pump out constant content on a normal basis won't even make a big deal about their 50th podcast.  Superior podcasts will look at what we're doing and probably scoff at our sheer ineptitude to barely put out a single podcast every month.  Well, it's a good thing that we are neither normal, good, and...well...the only time we've been called superior is when we show up to our parole hearings on time.  Come to think of it, I better call Justin, I haven't heard from him in a while.

With that being said, get ready for some "high"-jinks as DJ, Justin, and Matt celebrate in style with the 50th edition of The Simplistic Reviews Podcast.  There will be laughs galore as the guys invite, or some might say "force", guests from other more well-received podcasts to share in their debauchery.  Guests like JD Duran from the Insession Film Podcast. Barry and Jairo from the homo"neurotic" True Bromance Podcast.  Let's not forget, damn I forgot his name...oh yeah...The Vern, from the As You Watch Podcast.  Throw in a touch of Tim Costa from The First Time Watchers Podcast, Elwood from The Depths of DVD Hell, and a guest so special and so...well...scary, that even I can't tell you who it is.

Oh, so you're not impressed with that guest list?  Well, how about the thrilling conclusion to our months long saga of Julie and her quest to kill the Simplistic Reviews guy?  Yeah, you forgot about that didn't you?  Well...yeah...now you're gonna get some closure.

Finally, we talk a trip back in time to the segment that put us on the map; Word Association with Justin, where we ask Justin about things in the news and he gives a monosyllabic answer.

All that, and so much more on this petty way to celebrate mediocrity with The Simplistic Review Podcast's 50th episode.  Oh, by the way, the show is like 3 hours long, but what else are you going to do, watch the extended cut of "Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King?"  Hmmmm, wait, that actually does sound like a good idea.

Show Notes
Insession Film Podcast
As You Watch Podcast
From The Depths of DVD Hell & MBDS Showcase
True Bromance Podcast
First Time Watchers Podcast
Life Vs. Film

Music Notes
Back to the Future Theme By Alan Silvestri
Inside the Actors Studio Theme By Angelo Badalamenti
It's A Shame By The Spinners
I Dream Of Jeanie Remix
Time By Jungle
Liar Liar By The Castaways
Action In Memphis By Johnny Pearson
Soy Bomb By Honest Bob and the Factory-to-Dealer Incentives 
Cast Your Fate To The Wind By Allen Toussaint
Vince McMahon Theme By Jim Johnston and  Peter Bursuker
Dynasty Theme By Bill Conti

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(Ep. 49): SR Podcast - June 2015

FOR MATURE AUDIENCES

This is it! The penultimate episode before 50th episode extravaganza!

You'll swoon for June as the boys discover that there is no safe joke to be made about Caitlyn Jenner.  They instead decide to tackle stories such as a Big Trouble In Little China reboot, a Jack Bauer spinoff, and a James Bond free for all on Simplistic Showcase.  Justin and DJ later pay off a debt and discuss the 2014 horror anomaly that is Ouija.  A conversation that introduces not one, not two, but three new characters.  There is also the introduction of an old game played in a new way known as Simplistic Password.  And The ongoing mystery between the boys and Julie reaches its climax.

Oh and Shia Labeouf closes out the show.

All this and more on a highly questionable, slightly offensive, Smokey and the Bandit themed episode of The Simplistic Reviews Podcast.

5:23 - Simplistic Showcase

37:31 - A Simplistic Reviewer Always Pays His Debts

57:35 - Simplistic Password

Show Notes
Mr. Bucket
Shia Labeouf Rant
Ouija
Caitlyn Jenner
A Different World
Night Court
Smokey and the Bandit

Music Notes
My Flows Is Tight By Lord Digga
We Gotta Get Out Of This Place By The Animals
Birds And Brass By Sort Of Soul
The Stakes Is High By De La Soul
Game Of Thrones Remix By TDubb 
Eastbound And Down By Jerry Reed


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(Ep. 48): Police Academy 2: Their First Assignment - Movie Commentary - May 2015

FOR MATURE AUDIENCES

It's Monday 
Movie Night
Movie Commentary!

Police Academy 2: 
Their First Assignment

1985 / Comedy / 87 mins

We already watched the classic Police Academy. 

So now we continue this marathon with its sequel Police Academy 2: Their First Assignment.

Many movie franchises have had equality or superior sequels. Movie franchises like The Godfather, The Dark Knight, Star Wars. Police Academy 2 is not one of them. In fact its the complete opposite and is a pretty bad film with only one good take away, Zed.

So sit back with the popcorn as we try to get though by having a few laughs at the expense of this weak sequel.

Check us out on Facebook, Twitter, YouTube, Letterboxd, and Pinterest

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(Ep. 47): SR Podcast - May 2015

FOR MATURE AUDIENCES

In honor of Mother's Day, The Simplistic Reviews Podcast has assembled their regular team of badass motherf*%kers to ring in the month of May. They touch on Suicide Squad...they touch on the Joss Whedon haters...they touch on Tom Brady's balls...all in an effort to entertain you.  So sit back, give it a listen, and say hello to your mother for me.

6:37 Simplistic Showcase

36:53 TV Roundup

59:44 Hey F*%khead


Also as a special treat...here is an outtake that was too ridiculous not to share with the world

Show Notes
Redrum
Ally McBeal
Andy Kaufman
Lord Humongous

Music Notes
My Flows Is Tight By Lord Digga
We Gotta Get Out Of This Place By The Animals
Birds And Brass By Sort Of Soul
The Great Escape Theme By Paul Bateman



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(Ep. 46): SR Podcast - Late April Podcast 2015

FOR MATURE AUDIENCES

You might be asking yourself, "What?! Another Simplistic Reviews Podcast?  You mean these guys are actually getting off of their ass and putting out content for the public to consume?"  Yes, it might sound crazy, but.....uh....yeah....another podcast....from us.....Simplistic Reviews.

As we get closer and closer to our grandest episode so far; Number 50, we look back at our lives and search for meaning, apparently that means we bring up Bill Cosby again, the fact that Iceman is now gay, Donatello is dead, and fantasize about Moira Quirk in that sexy referee outfit...mmmmmm.....

All this, and our newest segment, Simply Say Anything, where we hold a radio over our head and praise the likes of Lena Dunham, Silent Night, Deadly Night Part 2, and explain why Quentin Tarantino is actually the worst director in modern cinema.  Have we lost our minds.....maybe....but we're not telling, and you'll just have to listen to this month's SIMPLISTIC REVIEWS PODCAST!!!!  WHY AM I YELLING...IN PRINT?!?!?!
 SHOW NOTES
Moira Quirk
Spider-man Shortlist
Tarantino in Sleep With Me
Donny is Dead
Iceman Gay?
Mark Summers' non-Double Dare accident

MUSIC NOTES
My Flows Is Tight By Lord Digga
We Gotta Get Out Of This Place By The Animals
Birds And Brass By Sort Of Soul
In Your Eyes By Peter Gabriel
Nickelodeon GUTS theme
Human Beings By Van Halen

Check us out on Facebook, Twitter, YouTube, Letterboxd, and Pinterest

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(Ep. 45): Slaughter High - Movie Commentary: April 2015

Movie Commentary Time!

Slaughter High

1986 - 90 mins - Slasher/Horror

Today we watch and make fun of the 90 min B-Slasher film, Slaughter High. We know what you are saying, "It's finally here!" Since the Podcast gang has been talking about Slaughter High numerous times on Podcasts and even a episode on Unboxing/Reviews.

Slaughter High is about eight people that are invited to their 10-year high school reunion at their now-closed down high school where a former student, disfigured from a prank gone wrong, is there to seek revenge. Simple and to the point but it's got its issues.

Slaughter High is a fun, entertaining film of which everyone should see. If you haven't this is the perfect time to watch!

Also this Movie Commentary is sponsor by Tide Stick!

Remember kids, if you go on a murderous rampage bring along a Tide Stick!

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(Ep. 44): Police Academy - Movie Commentary: April 2015

FOR MATURE AUDIENCES

Today is movie commentary day! Today we watch the one and only Police Academy.

There isn't another movie in the likes of Police Academy. I mean how many movies include a human soundboard, extreme racism, a man in a horses ass and a surprise blow job to a 100 year old man (that could possibly be or not be by Steve Guttenberg).

Sounds like the perfect ingredients for the perfect film right? Well it is one of the funniest comedies ever made. So cue up that VHS copy of Police Academy and prepare to laugh at one of the more ridiculous comedies ever made.


 SHOW NOTES
Vampire Academy Joke

Police Academy - Trailer

Police Academy - Theme Song

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(Ep. 43): SR Podcast - April 2015

FOR MATURE AUDIENCES

Play-Doh!  YA Vamp movies! Good Friday & Passover Combined!  Get ready for the most eclectic episode of The Simplistic Reviews Podcast yet.  Justin and DJ finally pay their debts to Matthew by finally reviewing Vampire Academy.  And by reviewing...we mean trashing the hell out of it.  They also discuss how Fox does something right with Deadpool...then something way, way wrong with Play-Doh.  They also get their Artful Dodger on with the return of the segment Get Your Hand Out My Pocket.  Guard your jewels in this Holy edition of the Simplistic Reviews Podcast.

 SHOW NOTES
Play-Doh
Vampire Academy
Mad Max: Fury Road
Spectre
Best of Pennywise
Deadpool April Fools
We're No Angels


MUSIC NOTES
My Flows Is Tight By Lord Digga
We Gotta Get Out Of This Place By The Animals
Birds And Brass By Sort Of Soul
Plain Jane By Sid Phillips
The He-Man Opening That The Boys Are Spoofing

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(Ep. 42): Nobody's Perfect - Movie Commentary: March 2015

Thursday Movie Night!

Tonight's Movie Commentary is a little unknown film called

Nobody's Perfect

1990 - PG13 - 90mins - Comedy

Starring the famous Lowe brother, Chad Lowe. Nobody's Perfect is about Stephen (possibly looking for a way to cross dress) is a tennis loving college student you falls for Shelly a chick who apparently can't pick the right guys. To get closer Stephen becomes Stephanie to befriend Shelly. It's all wacky fun from there...oh and rape.

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