(Ep. 118): Mystery Movie 2 - Movie Commentary: April 2019

So last time we tried something new, something mysterious, something crazy!

The people responded and wanted more or we're just untalented hacks...anyway we did it again!

Matt and Justin watch a movie just in-time for another movie that's due out April 5. Wow a movie commentary tie-in? Kinda...But unlike last time, both Matt and Justin have seen this film before.

Sure, it may be just a one off type of film but damn its really mysterious is it not?


So join Matt as he joins DJ in a movie commentary like none other...a mystery movie...eh movie commentary!?

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(Ep. 112): If Looks Could Kill - Movie Commentary: Novemeber 2018

If Looks Could Kill

1991 Action Comedy 1hr 28m

Before he can graduate, cocky high school student Michael Corben (Richard Grieco) travels to France on a school trip to earn a missing French credit. But when a British intelligence agent mistakes Michael for a spy of the same name, they rush him to headquarters and assign him to capture the evil Augustus Steranko (Roger Rees), using a plethora of espionage gadgetry. Michael has the time of his life -- until he crosses paths with two assassins (Tom Rack, Carole Davis) who want him dead.

Director: William Dear

Story by: Fred Dekker 

 Why? Because why not! Open that bottle of wine you keep thinking about and spend a lovely evening with DJ, Matt, Justin and the God that is Richard Grieco. Feast your eyes upon the Grieco and say goodbye to your family, because looks can kill!

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(Ep. 106): Ring of the Musketeers - Movie Commentary: July 2018

Ring of the Musketeers

PG-13 1992 ‧ Action/Adventure ‧ 1h 26m

As descendants of the original Three Musketeers, Peter Porthos (Thomas Gottschalk), John Smith D'Artagnan (David Hasselhoff) and Anne-Marie Athos (Alison Doody) are continuing the chivalrous tradition of protecting those who can't protect themselves, carrying it into the modern age. Rather than fighting lords and counts, these Musketeers have the Mafia to deal with, but they're aided by reformed burglar Burt Aramis (Cheech Marin), the newly knighted fourth Musketeer.

Initial release: December 1, 1992 (Germany)
Director: John Paragon
Production company: Motion Picture Corporation of America
Screenplay: John Paragon, Joel Surnow
Producers:Brad Krevoy, Steven Stabler

Plug that VHS player back in! It time for some David Hasselhoff! That's right, today we watch the Ring of the Musketeers. A made for TV film that... well... nobody remembers.  But when you have a modern day (90's) Musketeers film that has a cast that contains the Hoff, Cheech Marin, Alison Doody, John Rhys-Davies, Corbin Bernsen, Timothy Stack, Ricky Jay and Branscombe Richmond. You pretty much stop whatever you are doing and pop this VHS in.

So fix that tracking and enjoy that mono audio (yes this VHS wasn't in stereo) and repeat, Unus pro omnibus, omnes pro uno! Because we do this together ladies and gents! This is the Simplistic Reviews Movie Commentary of Ring of the Musketeers!

                       

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(Ep. 103): House 2: The Second Story - Movie Commentary: May 2018

House II: The Second Story

PG-13 1987 ‧ Adventure/Horror ‧ 1h 28m

A man (Arye Gross) and his friend (Jonathan Stark) exhume an ancestor (Royal Dano) in the house 

where his parents were killed.

Initial release: August 28, 1987

Director: Ethan Wiley

Budget: 3 million USD

Producer: Sean S. Cunningham

Production company: New World Pictures

 
Well you can't say we don't love you. Today Matt and Justin watch a movie from the Lister requested submissions. Sometimes we find fun and enjoyable films, that ether we never watched or never heard of. But that isn't always the case. Ep. 103 we cross off another one, House 2: The Second Story. A film not watched by the two in a collective 30 plus years. What we found out is its not as good as we once remembered.

House 2 is under the horror genre which is a lie. Eventhough it is a sequel to the 1986 film House, House 2 does not involve the storyline and character from the first film, including the horror feel. House 2 is supernatural fantasy "comedy". 

Frankly its a mess of a film. If you haven't already watched the first House then skip this and check House.

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(Ep. 93): Killer Klowns from Outer Space - Movie Commentary: October 2017

Killer Klowns from Outer Space

PG-13 ‧ 1988 ‧ Science fiction film/Cult film ‧ 1h 28m

When teenagers Mike (Grant Cramer) and Debbie (Suzanne Snyder) see a comet crash outside their sleepy small town, they investigate and discover a pack of murderous aliens who look very much like circus clowns. They try to warn the local authorities, but everyone assumes their story is a prank. Meanwhile, the clowns set about harvesting and eating as many people as they can. It's not until they kidnap Debbie that Mike decides it's up to him to stop the clowns' bloody rampage.
Release date: May 20, 1988 (USA)

What could be better then watching some Killer Klowns this Halloween!? Well with the Simplistic Reviews crew! Join us as we watch a movie that was made to be wacky and goof, yet its still better then half the shit that comes out today! So grab that frankenberry! Pour some of that Halloween themed choice of beer because... this Movie Commentary is gonna scare your socks off!

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(Ep. 67): Police Academy 4 - Movie Commentary: April 2016

Ready for another Police Academy Movie Commentary?

Nether are we...

But hey this is the last movie in the series and without a doubt better then that last one. 

So for that last time (Thank God)

Grab that popcorn, get ready for dick jokes and enjoy the fact that there is no more Comdt. Mauser

Ladies and Gentlemen this is...

Police Academy 4: Citizens on Patrol

1987 | 1hr 28min | Comedy

We are finally done! Every Single Police Academy Film has been commented on by the gang at Simplistic Reviews.

Every Single One...

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(Ep. 62): Police Academy 3: Back in Training - Movie Commentary: February 2016

Police Academy 3: Back in Training

1986 | Comedy(?) | 1hr 23mins

SHIT

FOR MATURE AUDIENCES

 

We did it! Call us crazy but we did it!

When police funding is cut, Governor Neilson announces that one of the city's two police academies will have to be closed down. To make it fair, Neilson announces a competition to determine which academy will stay opened. Commandant Eric Lassard calls back some of his former students to train the new batch of students, hoping to get the edge on the rival academy, which is run by Commandant Mauser. Lassard's new instructors, the former students he has brought back, include Carey Mahoney, Eugene Tackleberry, Moses Hightower, Debbie Callahan, Larvell Jones, Laverne Hooks, and Douglas Fackler.

Among the new students at Lassard's academy are Cadet Nogata, Cadet Karen Adams, Cadet Bud Kirkland, Cadet Sarah, Cadet Hedges, former gang leader Zed, and Zed's roommate, Cadet Sweetchuck. In order to increase his own academy's chances of winning, Mauser persuades two of Lassard's officers, Kyle Blanks and Chad Copeland, to turn traitor and help Mauser. The competition becomes complicated when a local marina is robbed by a gang of thieves who are dressed as busboys. 

 Police Academy 3 is in the can, sure its a can full of shit, but it is in the can none the less.  Since we are doing a Double Feature this Super Bowl Sunday, and we do love you, best thing to do would be just to skip this one and Listen to the Second Podcast. Trust us we are looking out for you.

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(Ep. 55): SR Podcast - Hard Ticket To Hawaii - Movie Commentary: September 2015

FOR MATURE AUDIENCES

Today's Sunday Movie is...

Hard Ticket to Hawaii

96mins / Action / 1987

There are films that come and go. Great films that missed the limelight and never get the recognition they deserve.

Then there is Hard Ticket To Hawaii, a film that's not amazing but we are glad it was made. It's a crazy film that feels like they honestly just run and gun it. And even though this film isn't perfect, it is one fun film to watch.

Check out Slaughter Film's Review

Action Movie Time Machine - Hard Ticket to Hawaii

It's a film jam packed full of Bullets, Boobs and Explosions! 

What more can you ask for?

 Show Notes

Watch the film with us

Read the Slaughter Film Review


Music Notes

Theme Song

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(Ep. 52): Never Too Young To Die - Movie Commentary: August 2015

A secret agent is murdered! 

Can his son, a high school gymnast, along with a spy catch the man/woman who killed him? 

Team up with DJ and Justin to find out on the next Monday Night Movie Night!

Never Too Young To Die

92 mins / Action / 1986

Secret agent Drew Stargrove is brutally murdered by the ruthless Van Ragnar. In this action-packed Bond-style thriller, the murdered secret agent's son, Lance Stargrove is thrust into the dangerous and intriguing world of secret agents and espionage when he seeks revenge against Van Ragnar. Danja Deerling teams up with Lance as his sidekick and love interest. 

Watch along with the film HERE

Taglines to tickle your fancy!

Stargrove: the new American hero.

Vanity: the new breed of temptress! Stamos: the new breed of hero!

At the age of 18, every government agency wanted him... dead or alive.

He inherited all his father's enemies and only one of his friends.

Action: Bond style. Beauty: Vanity style. Hero: American style.

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(Ep. 48): Police Academy 2: Their First Assignment - Movie Commentary - May 2015

FOR MATURE AUDIENCES

It's Monday 
Movie Night
Movie Commentary!

Police Academy 2: 
Their First Assignment

1985 / Comedy / 87 mins

We already watched the classic Police Academy. 

So now we continue this marathon with its sequel Police Academy 2: Their First Assignment.

Many movie franchises have had equality or superior sequels. Movie franchises like The Godfather, The Dark Knight, Star Wars. Police Academy 2 is not one of them. In fact its the complete opposite and is a pretty bad film with only one good take away, Zed.

So sit back with the popcorn as we try to get though by having a few laughs at the expense of this weak sequel.

Check us out on Facebook, Twitter, YouTube, Letterboxd, and Pinterest

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(Ep. 44): Police Academy - Movie Commentary: April 2015

FOR MATURE AUDIENCES

Today is movie commentary day! Today we watch the one and only Police Academy.

There isn't another movie in the likes of Police Academy. I mean how many movies include a human soundboard, extreme racism, a man in a horses ass and a surprise blow job to a 100 year old man (that could possibly be or not be by Steve Guttenberg).

Sounds like the perfect ingredients for the perfect film right? Well it is one of the funniest comedies ever made. So cue up that VHS copy of Police Academy and prepare to laugh at one of the more ridiculous comedies ever made.


 SHOW NOTES
Vampire Academy Joke

Police Academy - Trailer

Police Academy - Theme Song

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(Ep. 42): Nobody's Perfect - Movie Commentary: March 2015

Thursday Movie Night!

Tonight's Movie Commentary is a little unknown film called

Nobody's Perfect

1990 - PG13 - 90mins - Comedy

Starring the famous Lowe brother, Chad Lowe. Nobody's Perfect is about Stephen (possibly looking for a way to cross dress) is a tennis loving college student you falls for Shelly a chick who apparently can't pick the right guys. To get closer Stephen becomes Stephanie to befriend Shelly. It's all wacky fun from there...oh and rape.

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(Ep. 33): Planes, Trains and Automobiles - Movie Commentary: November 2014

So it’s Thanksgiving when everyone is thankful. Here at Simplistic Reviews we’re thankful for some great films including some really crappy ones. But this time we decided today was the best to explore one the greatest films Planes, Trains and Automobiles.

Everyone come! Sit around the table. Pour a glass of whatever wets your whistle.

Grab your turkey and stuffing, and make sure you save some room for a SR Movie Commentary!

Today we explore the greatness that is John Hughes and touch up on our geography. We will laugh and shed a tear. We’ll talk about a fantastic soundtrack and do you have any room for some Bacon, some Kevin Bacon!?!?

Everyone sit around the fire and let’s listen to Simplistic Reviews Movie Commentary of Planes, Trains and Automobiles!

Eh well maybe you shouldn’t listen to this SR Movie Commentary with the family at Thanksgiving…or should you? Only one way to find out right?

FOR MATURE AUDIENCES ONLY

Check us out on Facebook, Twitter, YouTube, Letterboxd, and Pinterest

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