one word reviews of Movies and TV

Saturday, December 31, 2016

(Ep. 81): Year End Wrap Up Mini Show - December 2016


This is it guys and girls, the end of an era! The piece of shit known as 2016 is dead. 2016 was nothing but a douche to us all. Think about it, all horrible and horrific stuff. Don't believe me? Fine. Let me ask you, name one thing that was good about 2016?

Still waiting...

Anything?

Yeah we feel you. So to end the year and ring in a new one we have a Mini End of the Year Wrap Up Show! A podcast that wraps up the shitty year of movies into a bite size appetizer to welcome in 2017!

Thank you everyone who has listened this year. We appreciate your support and we have a lot planned for 2017.

"I know it was you, 2016. You broke my heart. You broke my heart."


Sunday, December 25, 2016

(Ep. 80): Silent Night, Deadly Night: Part 2 - Movie Commentary: December 2016

Merry Christmas! From Simplistic Reviews

Silent Night, Deadly Night: Part 2

1987R‧ Drama/Slasher1h 28min

Trailer 
 
The sequel picks up on Christmas Eve some years after the first movie, with Ricky Caldwell, the 18-year-old brother of the first film's killer, now being held in a mental hospital, awaiting trial for a series of murders that he committed. While being interviewed by the psychiatrist Dr. Henry Bloom, Ricky tells the story of the murders his brother Billy committed throughout a series of several flashbacks using footage from the original film. These flashbacks have new shots to make Ricky appear in more of Billy's original story.

To say Silent Night, Deadly Night Part 2 is a good movie is an understatement. Silent Night, Deadly Night Part 2 is the greatest movie ever! Come on this is a fun movie to watch. You really have to give it to the team for making a 1hr 30min movie off a 30 page script. Yes I'm somewhat joking, but let's be honest this movie is freaking fun to watch. Every year people watch A Christmas Story or Christmas Vacation for Christmas but I watch Silent Night, Deadly Night 1 and 2. A Christmas Slasher is always a good time.

So this Christmas grab that eggnog and a bowl of that chocolate covered popcorn. Sit down next to that warm fire and lets watch Silent Night, Deadly Night Part 2!








Sunday, December 11, 2016

(Ep. 79): Suicide Squad - Extended Cut - Movie Commentary: December 2016

Suicide Squad - Extended Cut

2 hours, 14 minutes


Seriously? Yes I don't know why but we did another WB extended-we-don't-give-you-the-full-movie-the-first-time-cut.

What to say about a poorly made film. I mean a 8 year old with iMovie could do a better editing job.

And I feel bad for bringing the 8 year old this luckluster piece of crap.

DJ says it the best. "This is the biggest disappointment of the year".


So we know you really do not want to watch this film again but hell we gave it a try. So this Sunday Funday Movie Night lets give it a GO!

All Board the WB shitliner one more time!
This time the
S. S. We fooled you again...HAHAHA (Shitty Joker laugh)

Don't worry, this time we have Ted Lange as Your Bartender!  





Suicide Squad
It feels good to be bad...Assemble a team of the world's most dangerous, incarcerated Super Villains, provide them with the most powerful arsenal at the government's disposal, and send them off on a mission to defeat an enigmatic, insuperable entity. U.S. intelligence officer Amanda Waller has determined only a secretly convened group of disparate, despicable individuals with next to nothing to lose will do. However, once they realize they weren't picked to succeed but chosen for their patent culpability when they inevitably fail, will the Suicide Squad resolve to die trying, or decide it's every man for himself?

A secret government agency, led by the ruthless, high-ranking official Amanda Waller, recruits some of the most dangerous, incarcerated villains on the planet to execute dangerous black ops missions and save the world from a potentially apocalyptic threat from a mysterious, supernatural entity. If anything goes wrong on this mission, the government will not be liable but rather can place the blame on the villains, who are inherently evil people. A small bomb is implanted in each member of the squad's neck with the capability of detonating any time one of the members tries to rebel or escape. It will be up to this assembled team of villains to prevail over the seemingly impossible events that will unfold before them, in what many deem to be a "suicide mission".







Saturday, November 19, 2016

(Ep. 78): SR Podcast - November 2016


FOR MATURE AUDIENCES

On this Thanksgiving episode of the Simplistic Reviews Podcast, the boys talk about turkey and Donald Trump...A Minecraft movie and Donald Trump...Shelley Duvall and Donald Trump and who would win in a fight between Dracula and the Wolfman...oh and we also genuflect to our new Presidential overlord Donald J. Drumpf...all that and more on a turkey day episode of the Simplistic Reviews Podcast.  And that wasn't a typo, by the way.  Donald Trump's real name is Drumpf...these are facts.

NOTES
Al Bundy Fights
Wolfman's Got Nards

All Your Base Are Belong To Us 
Chickens Have Come Home To Roost

MUSIC
Hail To The Chief
The Incredible Hulk Theme By Daniel Caine Orchestra
Beast Atoms By L-Beazt
Sharp Minds By L-Beazt
Cocaine Model By ZHU
By The Croft By Joakim Karud

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Monday, October 24, 2016

(Ep. 77): SR Podcast - October 2016

FOR MATURE AUDIENCES

On this spooktacular Halloween episode of the Simplistic Reviews Podcast, the boys discuss everything that goes bump in the night...from Deadpool director woes to a Captain Planet film from Leo. Matthew solves the mystery that is the Madea films. And the boys try to guess each other's Halloween costumes in a segment we're calling What Are You Supposed To Be. All that and more on this pumpkin spice latte version of the Simplistic Reviews Podcast.
NOTES
Madea film
Westworld
John Phillips
Pitch
Captain Planet by Leo

MUSIC
Halloween Theme by John Carpenter
It's The Great Pumpkin Waltz by Vince Guaraldi
Who Can It Be Now by Men At Work 

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Friday, October 21, 2016

(Ep.76): Child's Play 2 - Movie Commentary: Oct 2016



Child's Play 2 

Play trailer on YouTube

1990 Slasher/Thriller1h 24m  

Movie Commentary Friday! (Is that a thing?)
Hey everyone! Welcome to another Movie Commentary. Halloween is creeping up on us so we're continuing with some more movies about murdering. Only this time its a grown man trapped into the workings of a children's doll. (Cue Disney themed music)

Whats that?! Another bloody movie commentary that involves children? Yeah we know. Listen we didn't plan this out, it was purely random. But hey guess what? Luck is on our side because Child's Play 2 is a million times better then that last one, especially in story structure.

So sit back and watch out for that old toy you forgot about in your closet. You know the one that you witness a man doing black magic on when Dad and you went to the bank that one time. Sure you remember, don't you? You know when the cops came and shot up the place? And as he pulled his bullet riddled-bloody body, he knew the only way to live was to transport his soul into your favorite toy?

No...why would you...that was me.






Wednesday, October 19, 2016

Announcement! ---UPDATE--- We're BACK ONLINE!

UPDATE
Podcasts are back online.
Find them at...

iTunes:
Google Play Music:
Tunein: 
Sticher: 

 __________________________________________________________________

Hey everyone! Podcasts will be back up soon. We have been moving things around and doing some cool things. Youtube still has the podcasts to fill that listening cavity.

Give use a few more days and all will be back! Thanks everyone!

Friday, October 7, 2016

(Ep. 75): Beware! Children at Play - Movie Commentary: October 2016

Welcome to another Friday Night Family Movie Night!

 Beware! Children at Play

1hr 34mins | Horror | 1989


Well that happened...

DJ and Justin just watched Beware Children at Play. And...Well...It's not so great. It is a slow boring movie that only picks up right at the end. Sure the topic of murdering demoniac crazy children is a fun idea to use in a movie but if you don't do anything with it then its pretty lousy. Hopefully the movie next time is a bit more enjoyable to watch, because even though this trailer looked amazing, the final product was just lame.






:)









Monday, September 12, 2016

(Ep. 74): SR Podcast - September 2016

FOR MATURE AUDIENCES ONLY


This month's show is themed around the genius of the late and great Gene Wilder. As we honor his legacy, we create our very own film monstrosities with a new segment called, "Frankenstein's Monster." Think soap in pillow cases and jackets with scorpions on the back...

We also "blaze" our own saddles and whip out some news in "Excuse Me While I Whip This Out." All this, and antics galore on The Simplistic Reviews Podcast.

NOTES

MUSIC


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Tuesday, August 16, 2016

(Ep. 73): Friday the 13th Part III - Movie Commentary: August 2016

Friday the 13th Part III
1982 | Slasher | 1hr 35min

Welcome to the first ever 3D Podcast! How is a audio only podcast in 3D? We have no idea...

Requested by Bradley Taylor,
Friday the 13th Part III once again follows murderer Jason Voorhees, who as a child drowned off the waters of Camp Crystal Lake. Is there anyone that can put an end to Jason's murderous rampage? 

Friday the 13th Part III is a 1982 American 3D slasher film directed by Steve Miner and the third installment in the Friday the 13th film series. Originally released in 3-D, it is the first film to feature antagonist Jason Voorhees wearing his signature hockey mask, which has become a trademark of both the character and franchise, as well an icon in American cinema and horror films in general. As a direct sequel to Friday the 13th (1980) and Friday the 13th Part 2 (1981), the film follows a group of co-eds on vacation at a house on Crystal Lake, where Jason Voorhees has taken refuge. (IMDB)


Thursday, August 4, 2016

(Ep. 72): SR Podcast - August 2016

FOR MATURE AUDIENCES ONLY


On this August edition of The Simplistic Reviews Podcast, the boys come back from their vacation and catch up with what they missed.  JD Duran from Insession Film joins them for a game of Word Association and a brand new game called Simplistic Submarine.  The entire Insession family also helps the boys with their ode to Jason Bourne.  Yo-Ho-Ho mateys! All that and more on this episode of the Simplistic Reviews Podcast.



NOTES
Dr. Strange Trailer
Wonder Woman Trailer
Justice League Trailer
Blair Witch Trailer
Kong Skull Island Trailer
Rocketeers
Fantastic Beasts Trailer
Hacksaw Ridge Trailer

MUSIC
Let It Happen By Tame Impala
1976 By RJD2
I Dream Of genie Remix 
Chronos By Hi-Finesse 

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Monday, July 4, 2016

(Ep. 71): Batman V Superman: Dawn of Justice - Ultimate Edition - Movie Commentary: July 2016

Batman V Superman

 2016 | Superhero | 181 minutes

Today on this 4th of July we fight a 3hr war, one we thought we would lose. But we made it through all 3hrs of Zack Snyder's poor choices to bring you another Simplistic Reviews Movie Commentary. We're sure you have better things to do today. Drink and Eating come to mind. But the time may come when you must watch that

Batman V Superman

Dawn of Justice

Ultimate Edition

Extended Cut

Collectors Edition

Movie Commentary

Christ that's a mouthful. Then lets watch it together. A army of one. A uprising to be independent from unbelievable plot holes in a $250 million dollar movie. I mean it's crazy to think these people are professionals and still somehow find work.

So remember young ones. You don't need to jam 10 pounds of shit into a 5 pound bag. Fill up that first bag with all that needed shit and grab another 5 pound bag to finish stuffing that shit. Because having two bags of shit is okay, not one overstuffed bag of shit with plot holes throughout its 3hr run time is okay. Shit boys and girl, that just doesn't fly!






 

Friday, June 24, 2016

(Ep. 70): Picasso Trigger - Movie Commentary: June 2016

Picasso Trigger
1988 | Action | 1hr 39mins
 
It's Friday! So we thought another  
Movie Commentary was in order!
Continuing our marathon of the one and only Andy Sidaris. If this is your first time, Sidaris is the king of B-Rated films that pretty much only contains the 3 elements any film really ever needs Bullets, Babes and Sex!

Today we let lose on Picasso Trigger, another solid entry into the Sidaris legacy. 

"Double agent Picasso Trigger is assassinated in Paris by double-crossing bad guy Miguel Ortiz. Then Ortiz begins eliminating agents of The Agency who were involved in his brother's death. The Agency (belatedly) springs into action to stop Ortiz' heinous activities. The usual gunplay, romance, and nifty toys with bombs ensue." 

 So grab a cold one and get ready for a thrill of a lifetime, because kids this is...
 Picasso Trigger!


Monday, May 23, 2016

(Ep. 69): SR Podcast - May 2016

FOR MATURE AUDIENCES ONLY


On the May edition of the Simplistic Reviews Podcast...Justin Polizzi...absolutely...LOSES IT!  Matt and DJ are powerless to stop him from  embracing the dark side and unleashing his anger about the new Ghostbusters movies...and Finding Dory...and Spider-Man Homecoming...and the television upfront trailers for Lethal Weapon, MacGyver and Training Day.  Polizzi's unbridled rage and fury sends the show toppling down into a dark abyss of obscenities and inappropriate behavior with household pets. An abyss the show may never ever be able to recover from.  Now doesn't that sound like a show that you should listen to?!  All that and more on this episode of the Simplistic Reviews Podcast.

NOTES
Lethal Weapon Television Series
Training Day Television Series
MacGyver Television Series
Tetris Film
Joe Pesci Rap Song "Wise Guy"
Ghostbusters Trailer 2

MUSIC
1976 By RJD2
My Flows Is Tight By Lord Digga
Action In Memphis By Johnny Pearson
Let It Happen By Tame Impala


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Sunday, May 1, 2016

(Ep. 68): SR Podcast - BONUS CONTENT

FOR MATURE AUDIENCES ONLY

 
If you listened to the cold open to Episode 68 of The Simplistic Reviews Podcast, guest starring Matty Negs from Negs Best Thing and Al Pacino, you might have heard Julie in the background taping something in the recording studio.  In this Bonus Content clip, you can hear exactly what she was saying on her side of the glass.

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Tuesday, April 26, 2016

(Ep. 68): SR Podcast - April 2016

FOR MATURE AUDIENCES ONLY


On this “Spring Cleaning” episode of The Simplistic Reviews Podcast, Matty Negs from Negs Best Thing Podcast helps us talk remakes of TV shows, reboots of Robin Williams films, Game Of Thrones, Prince, Coolio, and movie character fights to the death.  Oh and Al Pacino reads the phone book for us. All that and more on the April edition of the Simplistic Reviews Podcast.


Notes


Music


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Thursday, April 7, 2016

(Ep. 67): Police Academy 4 - Movie Commentary: April 2016

Ready for another Police Academy Movie Commentary?

Nether are we...

But hey this is the last movie in the series and without a doubt better then that last one. 
So for that last time (Thank God)

Grab that popcorn, get ready for dick jokes and enjoy the fact that there is no more Comdt. Mauser

Ladies and Gentlemen this is...

Police Academy 4: Citizens on Patrol

1987 | 1hr 28min | Comedy




We are finally done! Every Single Police Academy Film has been commented on by the gang at Simplistic Reviews.

Every Single One...








Monday, March 21, 2016

(Ep. 66): SR Podcast - March 2016

FOR MATURE AUDIENCES ONLY


On this ORDER 66 Episode of The Simplistic Reviews Podcast, the boys get prepped for Batman V Superman with a brand new skit.  Matt accepts our award from GeekCast Radio Network for best podcast. And to prove that they can be fair, the boys play a round of Simply Say Anything.  Trailers, Indiana Jones, and Daredevil talk.  All this and more on the March edition of the Simplistic Reviews Podcast.


Notes


Music
In Your Eyes By Peter Gabriel



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Tuesday, February 23, 2016

(Ep. 65): SR 2016 Oscar Prediction Podcast

FOR MATURE AUDIENCES ONLY
 
You've heard from the experts...now hear from the madmen from Simplistic Reviews as they predict who will and who should win at the 2016 Oscars.  Don't worry, the boys do their best to skate around the #OscarsSoWhite issue.  What, are you kidding?  They tackle it head on with enough irreverence that even Spike Lee flinch.  They also tackle other topics like R rated animation, Jennifer Lawrence on the precipise of being hated, and Harvey Fierstein...a lot of Harvey Fierstein.  All that and more on the Simplistic Reviews Oscar Prediction Podcast


NOTES
Harvey Fierstein in Independence Day
Morgan Freeman Car Accident

MUSIC
Hot Shot By Saun & Star
Across 110th Street By Bobby Womack
Strawberry Letter 23 By The Brothers Johnson

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Monday, February 15, 2016

(Ep. 64): SR Podcast - February 2016

FOR MATURE AUDIENCES ONLY
 

 On this Law & Order/Valentine's Day-centric episode of the Simplistic Reviews Podcast, Jay Cluitt from Life Vs. Film and the Lamb joins the boys to discuss important topics like Earl Grey, Parliament, Paul Giamatti, Mr. T, and Christopher Walken.  Also the boys take some time to admit some of their worst movie and television sins in another edition of Simply Ashamed.

All that and more on the Simplistic Reviews Podcast

NOTES:
FX Film
Life Vs. Film
Earl Grey
Billions

MUSIC
My Flows Is Tight By Lord Digga
It's A Shame Remix By The Spinners
Law & Order Theme By Mike Post


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Sunday, February 7, 2016

(Ep. 63): Malibu Express - Movie Commentary: February 2016

Malibu Express

1985 | Crime/Mystery | 1hr 45mins

FUN

FOR MATURE AUDIENCES


Cody Abiliene is a semi-successful private detective desperately in need of a big (and well-paying) case. When he's hired to solve the murder of Contessa Luciana's husband, he jumps at the chance. In between investigating the many women around the Contessa's estate, Abilene eventually uncovers a complex case of espionage and blackmail. 

So Police Academy 3: Back in Training SUCKED! Don't worry we Love You (only you)! So we have you covered, Malibu Express is the shit (the good shit). Part of the Bullets Bombs and Babes collection from Andy Sidaris, Malibu Express keeps its silliness but adds more to its story then that of Hard Ticket to Hawaii.

Sure Ticket was fun as well but bringing a bit of mystery to an already entertaining film is going the extra mile. Something Police Academy 3 never did.






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