On this holiday episode of The Simplistic Reviews Podcast, Matthew's Judeism is put to the test, Justin continues to try and make sense of the Prequels, DJ laments over Die Hard, and the boys have a hell of a time writing letters to Santa, spinning dreidels and breaking down the finale of Fargo. All this and more on our Ho-Ho-Ho Holiday Show.
How did someone think a knockoff of Die Hard with Sean Astin would be a good idea?
It's that time of the year! Sunday Night Movie Night! Since the holidays are near and the snow is on the ground we figured Icebreaker is the right choice! (boy are we wrong)
Even MJ gives it his seal of approval. So everyone snuggle up in your blanket, pure some eggnog, get that fire going and sit back and enjoy the 2000 Classic,
Icebreaker!
FUN FACTS:
IT SUCKS
A PEZ IS USED AS A WEAPON
A VHS IS USED AS A WEAPON
BOMBS COUNT UP IN THIS FILM
IS IT BASED ON A TRUE STORY
NOPE THATS A LIE
SEAN ASTIN IS 14 IN THIS FILM AND EVERY OTHER FILM
TOOK US OVER A YEAR TO TRACK DOWN A COPY
WHAT A WASTE OF A YEAR THAT WAS
SEAN ASTIN HAS A COKE PROBLEM
THIS FILM IS ALL OVER THE PLACE
STACY KEACH SIT 99% OF THE FILM
Fall has fallen and the boys at Simplistic Reviews have taken it upon themselves to kick off the Thanksgiving Month right. There's Ronda Rousey Roadhouse talk, an uncensored Julie, Kelly LeBrock reminiscing and a good old fashioned game of Kill, F%*k, Marry.
All this in more in a turkey filled episode of The Simplistic Reviews Podcast
Today is Halloween and to celebrate we figured what would be a better way then with the very unappreciated but great...
Halloween 3: Season of the Witch
98 mins | Horror | 1982
FOR MATURE AUDIENCES
The gang gathers around for this Halloween film that doesn't feature Micheal Myers but does feature but not limited to, Killer Halloween Masks! Commercialization of the Halloween! Witchcraft! Androids! Shamrocks! and Tom mofo Atkins! It's a spooky film for a spooky day...now if only we could drink a McDonald's Shamrock Shake with a hit of whiskey that would make this day even better!
To celebrate this creepy time of year, why not hang with the creepiest movie aficionados in the biz. On this Halloween edition of the Simplistic Reviews Podcast, the boys talk candy...fall TV premieres...Ronda Rousey's Roadhouse and Hayden Christensen.
This episode is filled to the brim with tricks and treats. Grab your machete, your knife glove, and put on your inside out William Shatner mask and enjoy!
There are films that come and go. Great films that missed the limelight and never get the recognition they deserve.
Then there is Hard Ticket To Hawaii, a film that's not amazing but we are glad it was made. It's a crazy film that feels like they honestly just run and gun it. And even though this film isn't perfect, it is one fun film to watch.
Sharpen your pencils and grab your loose-leaf notebooks. It's the "back to school" edition of the Simplistic Reviews Podcast. On this episode, the boys tackle Jesse Spano's horrible drug problem, Patty Mayonnaise's slutty behavior, and Max Landis' ego.
Speaking of schooling, Matt and DJ also pay up on a debt and discuss the high school spy film Barely Lethal, starring Oscar nominees Hailee Steinfeld and Samuel L. Jackson...yes...nothing in that sentence was made up.
Bill Cosby, Jared, Kanye, Miley...all get a little ribbing on this episode of the Simplistic Reviews Podcast.
Alright! Alright! The world can keep on spinning, cuz The Simplistic Reviews Podcast is back! The irreverency level of the podcasting universe has just gone up as the boys barrel back into the world of movies and television once again. First they catch up with some of the stuff they missed with our annual segment Can You Dig It. Then the boys do a postmortem of True Detective Season 2 and sell Justin on the USA Network Show Mr. Robot. The boom boxes are held high to close off the show as they once again play the game Simply Say Anything.
Hulk Hogan is dealt with, Sesame Street is repurposed, Hateful 8 is dismissed for legal reason, and The Fantastic Four is laughed at...all on this return episode of the Simplistic Reviews Podcast.
Can his son, a high school gymnast, along with a spy catch the man/woman who killed him?
Team up with DJ and Justin to find out on the next Monday Night Movie Night!
Never Too Young To Die
92 mins / Action / 1986
Secret agent Drew Stargrove is brutally murdered by the ruthless Van Ragnar. In this action-packed Bond-style thriller, the murdered secret agent's son, Lance Stargrove is thrust into the dangerous and intriguing world of secret agents and espionage when he seeks revenge against Van Ragnar. Danja Deerling teams up with Lance as his sidekick and love interest.
We are back again for another Monday Night Movie Night!
After that big 50th episode we took a bit of a break and sat down to watch the 1986 classic Back to School. We figured a few laughs was in order since a murder took place on that last podcast.
Back to School 96 mins / Comedy / 1986
"To help his discouraged son get through college, a fun-loving and
obnoxious rich businessman decides to enter the school as a student
himself."
Normal
podcasts usually hit their 50th podcast roughly before their first year
of existence. Good podcasts that pump out constant content on a normal
basis won't even make a big deal about their 50th podcast. Superior podcasts will look at what we're doing and probably scoff at our sheer ineptitude to barely put out a single podcast every month. Well, it's a good thing that we are neither normal, good, and...well...the
only time we've been called superior is when we show up to our parole
hearings on time. Come to think of it, I better call Justin, I haven't
heard from him in a while.
With
that being said, get ready for some "high"-jinks as DJ, Justin, and
Matt celebrate in style with the 50th edition of The Simplistic Reviews
Podcast. There will be laughs galore as the guys invite, or some might
say "force", guests from other more well-received podcasts to share in
their debauchery. Guests like JD Duran from the Insession Film Podcast.
Barry and Jairo from the homo"neurotic" True Bromance Podcast. Let's
not forget, damn I forgot his name...oh yeah...The Vern, from the As You
Watch Podcast. Throw in a touch of Tim Costa from The First Time
Watchers Podcast, Elwood from The Depths of DVD Hell, and a guest so
special and so...well...scary, that even I can't tell you who it is.
Oh,
so you're not impressed with that guest list? Well, how about the
thrilling conclusion to our months long saga of Julie and her quest to
kill the Simplistic Reviews guy? Yeah, you forgot about that didn't
you? Well...yeah...now you're gonna get some closure.
Finally,
we talk a trip back in time to the segment that put us on the map; Word
Association with Justin, where we ask Justin about things in the news
and he gives a monosyllabic answer.
All
that, and so much more on this petty way to celebrate mediocrity with
The Simplistic Review Podcast's 50th episode. Oh, by the way, the show
is like 3 hours long, but what else are you going to do, watch the
extended cut of "Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King?" Hmmmm,
wait, that actually does sound like a good idea.
This is it! The penultimate episode before 50th episode extravaganza!
You'll swoon for June as the boys discover that there is no safe joke to be made about Caitlyn Jenner. They instead decide to tackle stories such as a Big Trouble In Little China reboot, a Jack Bauer spinoff, and a James Bond free for all on Simplistic Showcase. Justin and DJ later pay off a debt and discuss the 2014 horror anomaly that is Ouija. A conversation that introduces not one, not two, but three new characters. There is also the introduction of an old game played in a new way known as Simplistic Password. And The ongoing mystery between the boys and Julie reaches its climax.
Oh and Shia Labeouf closes out the show.
All this and more on a highly questionable, slightly offensive, Smokey and the Bandit themed episode of The Simplistic Reviews Podcast.
5:23 - Simplistic Showcase
37:31 - A Simplistic Reviewer Always Pays His Debts
So now we continue this marathon with its sequel Police Academy 2: Their First Assignment.
Many movie franchises have had equality or superior sequels. Movie franchises like The Godfather, The Dark Knight, Star Wars. Police Academy 2 is not one of them. In fact its the complete opposite and is a pretty bad film with only one good take away, Zed.
So sit back with the popcorn as we try to get though by having a few laughs at the expense of this weak sequel.
In honor of Mother's Day, The Simplistic Reviews Podcast has assembled their regular team of badass motherf*%kers to ring in the month of May. They touch on Suicide Squad...they touch on the Joss Whedon haters...they touch on Tom Brady's balls...all in an effort to entertain you. So sit back, give it a listen, and say hello to your mother for me.
6:37 Simplistic Showcase
36:53 TV Roundup
59:44 Hey F*%khead
Also as a special treat...here is an outtake that was too ridiculous not to share with the world
You might be asking yourself, "What?! Another Simplistic Reviews Podcast? You mean these guys are actually getting off of their ass and putting out content for the public to consume?" Yes, it might sound crazy, but.....uh....yeah....another podcast....from us.....Simplistic Reviews.
As we get closer and closer to our grandest episode so far; Number 50, we look back at our lives and search for meaning, apparently that means we bring up Bill Cosby again, the fact that Iceman is now gay, Donatello is dead, and fantasize about Moira Quirk in that sexy referee outfit...mmmmmm.....
All this, and our newest segment, Simply Say Anything, where we hold a radio over our head and praise the likes of Lena Dunham, Silent Night, Deadly Night Part 2, and explain why Quentin Tarantino is actually the worst director in modern cinema. Have we lost our minds.....maybe....but we're not telling, and you'll just have to listen to this month's SIMPLISTIC REVIEWS PODCAST!!!! WHY AM I YELLING...IN PRINT?!?!?! SHOW NOTES Moira Quirk Spider-man Shortlist Tarantino in Sleep With Me Donny is Dead Iceman Gay? Mark Summers' non-Double Dare accident
Today we watch and make fun of the 90 min B-Slasher film, Slaughter High. We know what you are saying, "It's finally here!" Since the Podcast gang has been talking about Slaughter High numerous times on Podcasts and even a episode on Unboxing/Reviews.
Slaughter High is about eight people that are invited to their 10-year high school reunion at their now-closed down high school where a former student, disfigured from a prank gone wrong, is there to seek revenge. Simple and to the point but it's got its issues.
Slaughter High is a fun, entertaining film of which everyone should see. If you haven't this is the perfect time to watch!
Also this Movie Commentary is sponsor by Tide Stick!
Remember kids, if you go on a murderous rampage bring along a Tide Stick!
Today is movie commentary day! Today we watch the one and only Police Academy.
There isn't another movie in the likes of Police Academy. I mean how many movies include a human soundboard, extreme racism, a man in a horses ass and a surprise blow job to a 100 year old man (that could possibly be or not be by Steve Guttenberg).
Sounds like the perfect ingredients for the perfect film right? Well it is one of the funniest comedies ever made. So cue up that VHS copy of Police Academy and prepare to laugh at one of the more ridiculous comedies ever made.
Play-Doh! YA Vamp movies! Good Friday & Passover Combined! Get ready for the most eclectic episode of The Simplistic Reviews Podcast yet. Justin and DJ finally pay their debts to Matthew by finally reviewing Vampire Academy. And by reviewing...we mean trashing the hell out of it. They also discuss how Fox does something right with Deadpool...then something way, way wrong with Play-Doh. They also get their Artful Dodger on with the return of the segment Get Your Hand Out My Pocket. Guard your jewels in this Holy edition of the Simplistic Reviews Podcast.
Tonight's Movie Commentary is a little unknown film called
Nobody's Perfect
1990 - PG13 - 90mins - Comedy
Starring the famous Lowe brother, Chad Lowe. Nobody's Perfect is about Stephen (possibly looking for a way to cross dress) is a tennis loving college student you falls for Shelly a chick who apparently can't pick the right guys. To get closer Stephen becomes Stephanie to befriend Shelly. It's all wacky fun from there...oh and rape.
The Ides of March Approaches...and so does the March 2015 edition the Simplistic Reviews Podcast. On this episode the boys chastise the person responsible for allowing a 72 year old Harrison Ford into an airplane. Justin discovers a brand new...um...old show that is hilarious in all the right ways. DJ questions if the Tommy Lee Jones we've seen in public is the real Tommy Lee Jones. And Matt saves the lives of 3 people while eradicating another from existence. All that and more on this 1.21 gigawatt powered episode of the Simplistic Reviews Podcast. SHOW NOTES 1.21 gigawatts Danger 5 Harrison Ford plane crash Diablo Barbie Age of Ultron Trailer Danny Elfman Music in Age of Ultron Tommy Lee Jones commercial Black & Blue or White & Gold Dress
Hooray for Hollywood? Naw, it's time to skewer Hollywood and rip them and new one, of course while picking the winner's of this year's Academy Awards.
The boys go over all the essential categories from Best Score all the way to the grand-daddy of them all; "the award where they could have had 10 nominations, but they decided to go with eight."
Will "Boyhood" be this year's big winner? Will "Birdman" fly above the competition? Why was "Gone Girl" only nominated for one award? Why is the Academy in love with films that feature people with disabling diseases? Is it a fetish that they secretly have that we don't know about?
All this and much more as the Simplistic Reviews Crew gives Hollywood the old "what-for."